What are the Key Differences Between Runaway Husband and Walkaway Wife Syndromes?

I just finished the book “Strangers“ By Belle Burden. It was compelling and unnerving at the same time. Belle gives a complete and detailed picture of how her marriage unraveled in a day, and how this smart and gutsy woman picked up the pieces.

For 21 years, Belle thought she was in a happy, loving union. Everything came crashing down one evening during the Pandemic. Out of the blue, her husband announced he was leaving the family. She said it was as if a switch flipped and he became a different person.

Apparently Runaway Husband, or Wife Abandonment Syndrome is a thing, as therapist Vikki Stark depicts in this article. She knows, because the same thing happened to her. You think your husband is in it for the long haul until one day, you are blindsided. Often, there is a third party involved (as in Belle’s case) but sometimes not.

Stark says women look for clues that they missed. But there aren’t any. The divorce is swift and final…No going back.

I’ll never forget. This happened to my friend. She had just given birth to her second child when her husband simply up and left. Turns out he was having an affair with someone at work.

Same scenario played out: He refused counseling. There was no hope for the marriage. He was simply gone. My friend never quite recovered. As she once told me, “She (the mistress turned wife) now has the life I wanted.”

It broke my heart because this sweet, kind woman could never find her way back. She did go to counseling and was very involved with her kids, but never regained that light that I so remember.

Belle Burden has not only picked up the pieces, she is thriving. Her book is a best seller, probably because so many women find themselves in the same situation, and now feel less alone.

Do Men Feel Blindsided in a Divorce as Well?

Apparently yes. It is called Walkaway Wife Syndrome. But in these cases, there are signs, as explained by Michelle Weiner-Davis in this article. She says wives try to reconnect with their husbands when they notice them pulling away.

In fact, women continue to try to salvage a struggling relationship as the partners grow farther and farther apart….Until they essentially give up and begin planning an escape.

Maybe it’s financial independence they are waiting for, or a time when the kids are almost grown. But they plan their exit silently. So husbands don’t realize what is happening.

The husbands are simply glad the “nagging” is over. So really, feeling “blindsided” is a minsnomer because their spouses did warn the men, but they chose to ignore their partners…until it was too late.

How to Get Your Life Back if Your Spouse Leaves

First of all, don’t go it alone, as emphasized in this article on the Mental Health America website. Join support groups and seek counseling.

Revisit hobbies and passions that you may have let slide. In the book, “Strangers,” Belle often took long walks to clear her mind.

Though she continued to look for clues as to exactly what went wrong when, and concluded that there really were none.

Don’t beat yourself up. Look towards the future with optimism. I realize that takes time…Baby steps. I just wish my friend had followed that advice. I lost touch with her several years later, when our kids attended different schools.

Maybe now that her kids are grown, and so much time has passed, she has been able to find peace and happiness. I so wish that for her, and the other people who were blindsided by spouses who simply pulled the rug out from under them.

Starting a new life is very hard, but also very doable.