grief
Losing a family member is one of the most traumatic life events; Families must support one another to endure the five stages of grief and get through it together.
The "Lullabye" My Parents & I "Sang" To Each Other. First Place in Behind the Beat Challenge.
I elder-cared my parents for 9 ½ years. Knowing nothing about what this journey would hold, I signed up immediately to be their care-giver when my parents started to show signs of not being able to take care of themselves. It would be my gift back to them for being the amazing, supportive, and loving parents I’d known all my life. They were married for more than 65 years; a testament to how they loved and lived for each other like there was no tomorrow. I wanted to be able to keep them together for their respective last chapters and those tomorrows that were then waning. My task was to courageously, if I could, hold their hands as we three walked this holy path at dusk; Could I calm their disquiet as they lost their footing, couldn’t keep their focus, or scrambled their thoughts while losing their physical abilities as well? To call this journey sacred would be true. And, from my perspective, it would also be like stepping unto a roller coaster I had no idea I would be riding. All my good intentions, with wanting to honor my parents by protecting, assisting, and living with them, certainly did not make up for the lack of sleep, the stress, and frustration I would feel in the process of mainly caring for them all by myself, while working outside the home as well. To watch my parents age and lose their faculties, or for my Dad to go deaf was difficult enough, but when either of them began to question my intentions, my judgement, or my love for them in any given situation – those moments were emotionally heart-wrenching. I still felt emotionally drained even knowing full well that those moments were a bi-product of them losing their ability to think critically. My work was in not taking things personally, and staying open to the present; because that’s when grace would arrive. Sure enough, one of those moments of grace or divine intervention occurred, in the later years of my elder-caring. I had a camera/monitor set up so that I could make sure if my parents got up at night I would be alerted and get up and assist them. One evening, I heard/saw that my Dad was getting up and as I walked from my room to my parent’s bedroom, I saw a beautiful, white, glowing, silhouette of an Angel greeting me at the foot of their bed. I wasn’t afraid or daunted by this heavenly body at all. I did blink, but the beautiful Angel stayed until my attention turned to my parents again. It was a stunning, moving image, one that I didn’t question as being real. Overall, I felt protection and a feeling of affirmation that all was in divine order. “Of course,” my inner voice was saying, there were angels around overseeing this chapter in our lives. My parents, “my angels” were being protected. Along with that protection, I’m convinced that this divine being that entered our space transmitted some energy to me as well, to let me know that I was being watched over too, so I could feel support and continue my care-taking assignment with renewed energy and love. The song that came into play, after that angel sighting occurred, was within a year of my Dad passing. It came on the radio as I was driving to work – it was “Goodnight My Angel,” by Billy Joel. I hadn’t heard that song before then and Billy had debuted this song in 1993, which was 24 years earlier. Obviously, this was my time to hear it, to be soothed and comforted by it.
By Kathleen Thompson6 years ago in Families
Speaking OUT - Part 1. Born in Pain.
Pain. For the longest time I wasn’t sure where it was coming from. I was in pain all the time, even now I’m in pain. I didn’t get by a car or fall off a horse. I didn’t join a wrestling team or play much sports. But still this pain all over, did I sleep walk ?
By She’s just HURT. 6 years ago in Families
Your Little Girl
Daddy, remember all the times I came running to you when I got hurt? I called for you when I needed help getting up. Remember when I would follow you around like a little duckling? I would walk right behind you when you cut the grass. I was always outside with you by your side when you worked on the cars. I was out "helping" you all the time. I wanted to be just like you when I grew up. And I know you said you wanted me to be better than you, but to me you were and still are the best man I have ever met.
By alexandria Urrutia6 years ago in Families
Never Really Goodbye
To be quite frank, time is a bit of a strange concept when it comes to losing a loved one. Especially when they meant the universe to you & to so many others out there in the world. Time becomes irrelevant, days turn into months and so on. What I find most relevant in this circumstance are a few things, gratitude being one of them. Then there is the need to be present in this moment. If there was anything my Mum tried to teach me repeatedly was to be present in this moment, because this moment is all we are ever going to have.
By David Pascoe6 years ago in Families
I Am Penelope
Carrying each strand of thread from one end of the table to the other, I begin warping the loom, wrapping each loop onto the wooden peg. My studio, quiet today, feels less bright somehow—colors of various yarns muted and joyless. Maybe the overcast sky is to blame.
By Emily Wallace 6 years ago in Families
“Mr. Jones & Me”
My name is Adrianna Rose O’Daniel and I am a medium. I was born in 1988 and have felt energies around me all my life. It was not until my younger brother Nick’s suicide in 2014, that I realized what I was experiencing, and ALSO confirmed I was not secretly insane. Nick was 24 when he shot himself, at an age I believe one can feel the most pressure as well as lost. Looking back 6 years ago, I was definitely lost, and way too busy managing a restaurant. Because of Nick’s suicide, I could finally make sense of my synchronicities, my gifts and then learn how to use them to help myself and others. Fortunately my brother loved music and festivals, so a lot of my brother’s messages come from songs, and one song in particular reminds me he is always energetically supporting me. That song is called “Mr. Jones”, by the Counting Crows.
By earth angel rose tarot 11116 years ago in Families
In The First Year After My Brother
Dear Zeke, So it’s been two months and seventeen days since you killed yourself, two months and sixteen days since we found out about it. I’m still pretty mad I think. But overall I’m mostly just numb. Like, I don’t really give a shit anymore; about you, what you did, or about the things in my life in general. I no longer find joy in music or seem to have a passion for writing. And I only just found a book interesting enough to have a real desire to read it. Although one could probably argue that these things were becoming true, if not were already true, long before you killed yourself. Your actions two and a half months ago gave me a reason to respond with when people asked me why I looked sad, lonely, withdrawn or angry. And I don’t know whether to say thank you or fuck you. Thank you for helping me hide my depression, self-harm and poor self-esteem, or fuck you for stealing my thunder. Fuck you for making mom cry and leaving me to hold her together all alone. [Fuck you for making sure no one believes me when I insist that this numbness and anger were present before you killed yourself. That is has always existed in the background of my mind, only coming out to play when my protector is away.]
By Casey SilverRose6 years ago in Families
In The First Year After My Brother
A Eulogy for a Fallen Marine, Son, and Big Brother. This is probably about the thousandth speech I’ve written out and about the millionth I’ve thought up. Writing has never been strictly hard for me, but in this instance it has been nearly impossible. I have been told to write honorably about Zeke, because he’s my big brother, this is his funeral and that’s what funerals are for; to honor the dead and to give closure to the living. The problem is; I don’t feel like honoring Zeke right now. I’m not in that headspace yet. But as a Wordsmith, I am used to playing the acting role at times, putting myself back into the headspace of a past version of me, projecting myself into a future version of me or even attempting to place myself in the mind of another being entirely. So I will try my best to do the right thing and honor my brother with my words today.
By Casey SilverRose6 years ago in Families
Attachment Issues
“What cannot be communicated to the [m]other cannot be communicated to the self.” ― John Bowlby Growing up, I never really had anyone to confide in. No one to sort of cling to. I had parents, but they split up when I was little. My mum was an alcoholic, so I could never really tell her anything. Any time I tried, she was more interested in something else, or she’d get paranoid and my life would be hell for a while. My dad can’t deal with emotions. He’s pretty much a robot. And a lot of the time, I like that, because I hate overly emotional people, but when I need someone, it sucks.
By Rebecca Smith6 years ago in Families
