Secrets
I'm Ok
Questioning the answer I’ve given allot lately. This is my confessions. Sometimes I lie to myself and say I'm ok. Most of the time I lie to others when I say I'm ok. The truth is I’m not ok, sometimes I just want to scream until I pass out. Sometimes I wish I had the balls to say, I'm not ok. I am twenty-seven years old and I just found out it is ok, to not be ok. I am now more aware of mental health. For years things I have felt I could not speak on. Due to my past, I was doomed at the age of 6 l. By the time I was 13 I had 3 sexual abusers haunting not only my dreams but my everyday life. Having to live in the world alone because I couldn’t trust anyone my mindset matured and my childhood was left behind quickly. I’m ok. I have repeated to myself through the years with tears running wild like ocean water down my face. I eventually blocked out my trauma enough to fail myself again. I trusted someone who I thought was an older brother figure to me. He became my 4th sexual abuser and yet I still have to continue to be Ok and remain a functional mess. But I’m proud to say I’m a step closer to being better because I acknowledge it. I know now that all those times I was not ok but I do want to be better than ok and that starts with the truth. I told my mom and dad what happened to me on December 2, 2021. I’m proud of myself. I came so far when I thought I would get nowhere. Some would say I was cursed because I now I'm a lesbian. But I do NOT think my sexual preference is based on what happened to me. In fact, I believe my sexuality is a blessing because I don't think a male could give me the love that was stolen from me the very first time my innocence became someone's option. The woman I fell in love with gave me the will to live honestly now more than ever now that my secret is out. It has been 6 years and throughout everything, she sits here comforting me using my love language and I cringe at the physical touch of anyone but welcome her's I am enveloped in peace. Saying what happened to me out loud is something I didn't think I would survive to do. I have social anxiety and can only be around certain people as well as if I do have people in my presence it's a limited amount of time. Now that I brought you up to speed with a few things that are going on in my life can you understand why I am now buckling down on my mental health, working on being around a family who should now see through my unauthentic smile, but has only shown me reasons why dealing with this alone could still be better. Both routes I have chosen are extremely difficult if I survived endless torture from others and myself for 21 years I think I owe it to myself to Live in my truth. I don't understand others' thought processes when it comes to this topic in but I can say there is no handbook on how to survive. There is no time frame on when you can speak your truth. Since the day you were born it was always supposed to be on our time and when we were ready. If you read this please understand it’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to feel how you feel and express yourself. It’s ok to still have hope and try again.
By D.A.M.N Ent.4 years ago in Confessions
Father and Son
By JJ Cornish (Based on a True Story) SON I love my Daddy. I love him a lot. He’s the best Daddy ever! I love Daddy more than Mama well I love them just the same but Daddy a little more. My favorite time is when Daddy gets home and Mama tells me to run down steps to Daddy. I love Daddy lots!
By JJ Cornish4 years ago in Confessions
A Chefs’ Wife (A Chefs’ Lie-fe)
The moment they become a chef, you become the ex. Obsolete in the face of the worlds' admiration for them. Their love and talent can no longer be shared with you, it now belongs to the people and the fans that surround them. First, they single him out of the herd, then dominate his time then back you away and then lastly cut you out, the last painful nudge. All you can do is stand there and watch the person you love excel to greatness as your grip on their hand is slowly pulled away. How can ONE person grip tightly enough to someone’s hand, while on the other side, there is an entire restaurant full of people pulling from the other end…. Try to stay busy to distract oneself from the fact that I was losing him day by day, second by second, phone call by endless phone call and specialty menu by specialty menu.
By Fernand4 years ago in Confessions
I just lived the worst ten years of my life
Oversharing is a funny concept. What does it really mean? What constitutes the words one should share or keep to themselves? Is it fear of embarrassment due to inevitably being judged? You’re going to be judged anyway, no matter how much you keep to yourself. Someone, somewhere, will always have an opinion about your life.
By Brandy Enn4 years ago in Confessions
A Memorable Street Proposal
I am Madan. Today, I am getting married with a girl of my life. I am happy but I don't know what wrong with me today. Have I broken any promise? Is anything left behind? I was eagerly waiting for this big day for the last three years. She is the only one I have desired in the last five years. But...
By Suraj Ghimire4 years ago in Confessions
Tornadoes
At my job we get a lot of mail that has been rejected. We send it on, but sometimes it just keeps getting sent back. Sometimes when it goes undelivered for more than a few years, we read it. It is a perverted habit, perhaps, but not without its rewards. In any case this letter was worth the while. It contained a large script of tightly folded paper of a quality I had never seen, and a small pink flower, crushed as if by a boot. Written on the envelope in brown ink were the words:
By Edward Kembery4 years ago in Confessions
Actual Privilege
I lived in Florida in 2007. Improbable for my age and socioeconomic status, I lived in an oceanfront condo, rented from a nice gentleman with a severe drug addiction. He used to be a surfer and a lifeguard, but he broke his back in an accident. He lost a lot of his mobility (and I suspect a large sense of his identity) from the injury, and half of his mind to the opiates his doctor prescribed. Being in his presence made my whole body heavy with sadness.
By Katie McEntire4 years ago in Confessions
