An apology to the bride and groom

I want to start by thanking everyone for their patience and rearranging their travel plans in order to stay for Jim and Mels wedding. I also want to apologise sincerely for any trauma that may have occurred as a result of yesterdays unfortunate fiasco at breakfast. Let's start with how me and Jim came to the point where he asked me to be best man, something I am sure he is regretting as I speak. We've known each other pretty much our whole lives,was in school together knew each others families,so when six years ago I finally got the courage to ask his sister to marry me we actually did become family,through the years we have laughed together and vomitted together,supported our team together and driven both our partners crazy with our general antics. I feel I need now to say something about what led to yesterdays incident. For as long as I can remember we have played tricks on each other,wound each other up and sometimes taken it too far. Lately though, with wedding plans going full speed ahead I have been feeling,well down in the dumps,don't get me wrong i'm happy for you both,but,well everyone's all grown up. Naturally this has led to some issues for me and one of those,shall we say adverse affects has been in the bedroom department with my wife. I know I know.... ahhh poor woman,so when it was suggested for us to stay with you guys here for a couple of days break away from the kids,( raising a glass at the kids table!) Who we adore by the way, I figured I would make a call,answer the questions and invest in a little blue pill to spice things up for the wife and I. I wish to god I had read the instructions on the box, I would have known then that taking it with blood thinners was a big NO NO and could have saved us all the shame and perhaps,maybe, grammy would still be with us for the day instead of in hospital recovering for shock. I'd like to thank the breakfast staff for their quick thinking in the situation though, I see many of you here this evening and I'm most grateful for you tact and diplomancy,it can't very well have been an easy situation to get tangled up in and the speed with which you responded with that table cloth was phenomenal! Anyway thankfully I am the one carrying the blushes tonight rather than grammy and I've been assured she is forgiving, I didn't mean to poke her in the eye although if she hadn't been in her wheelchair my erection would not have gotten caught on her breathing mask when I stood up to hug her and in no way would she have needed an eye patch either. Right at this point I'm looking at both jim and mel and I know deep down they love me but through the tears of laughter I know that there is a royal rollicking headed my way for being a pervert,all I can say in my defence is, it was your sisters idea in the first place and you told her to double the dose!!!