you mistake me for the speaker of my poems
"I own my words / my words are not my own."
—and you call me embarrassing.
your words sting, dripping with venom,
sending my body into panic. I cry,
half anger / half devastation.
how easily you assumed I am the speaker
of my poems. how can I blame you?
you, who grew up catholic,
and have experienced so much shame
that it gnaws at you, claws at you from inside,
desperate to escape.
I cannot always be the speaker of my poetry.
that is too heavy a responsibility,
to be the speaker. sometimes
I must escape myself. do you know how that feels?
to want a way out of yourself, to pretend
to be someone else, just for a while?
I own my words / my words are not my own.
you tell me words are dangerous, as if I don’t know.
your words, cutting through me like teeth
through flesh, messy
and unforgiving.
your words, protecting a belief.
the hymns have no meaning
to me.
____________________________________________________
after my poem, after communion, I question god (2021)
About the Creator
katherine j zumpano
poet & writer in the pnw
bookworm
author of 'from me, to you' & 'what we leave behind'
anti-ai | anti-facism
find me on instagram & threads: @kjzwrites
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Comments (4)
Conflating poet and persona is as common as it is foolish. Thank you for spelling that out with such visceral clarity!
Wow, wow, wow. Gut wrenching imagery here, and I love how this can be picked apart and taken in so many ways. Obviously there is a religious undertone here; I too have experienced the "be careful what words/names you use" from other religious people when I show them my work which can veer toward the dark end of fiction. But then also the idea of "not being the voice of my poems/work" is SO REAL. It becomes frustrating sometimes when people comment condolences/hope you feel betters when I write a sad poem when that's not what I'm looking for? And it's not always directly from my own experiences? I don't know, it's a pet peeve of mine. x3 Really loved this. You got a new subscriber out of me!
This grabbed my attention immediately; held on; twisted my insides; made my question my own words and if they’re my own.
This is fantastic. These words "to want a way out of yourself" hit home. For so long, I was trying to find a way out.