I Sleep

I didn't need diamonds,

fancy dinners,

or trips to places with clear blue water.

I only needed time---

attention I didn't have to beg for.

I texted too often.

asking for proof I mattered

when I wasn't in front of him.

But I didn't then, either.

I sat beside him

while he texted friends

to a game night

I wouldn't be invited to.

I won't ever ask for flowers again.

If someone wants to, they will.

He did for someone else

on a second date

while we were broken up.

I will no longer accept less

than I need

to be easier to love.

I won't agree to last-minute invites

or

wait for a future we can't plan for.

Now, I stay home.

I write.

I paint.

I read.

I sleep.

I'm not strong.

I'm not resilient.

I'm careful.

I'm guarded.

I'm afraid of trying.

I'm afraid of hoping.

I stay home.

I watch tv.

I ugly cry.

I eat.

I sleep.

I'm not strong.

I'm not resilient.

I'm careful.

I'm guarded.

I'm afraid of wanting.

I'm afraid of needing.

I stay home.

I clean.

I think.

I talk to myself.

I sleep.

I'm not strong.

I'm not resilient.

I'm careful.

I'm guarded.

I don't trust my judgment.

I don't trust my heart.

I stay home.

I'm sad.

I'm lonely.

I'm barely living.

I sleep.

I sleep.

I sleep so damn much.