Gone But Not Replaced

It’s not my own voice

Returning to stroke my ears

Her echoes …, haunting …

Brick by mortared brick

I built a protective wall

Then you kicked it down

I couldn't say out loud …

How the very sight of you

Took my breath away

I couldn’t say out loud …

How being near you

Made my heart race too

I couldn’t say out loud …

How the sound of your voice

Is better than any musical choice

I couldn’t say out loud …

How all I wanted was to hold you in my arms

Spend my very life keeping you safe from all harms

How your laughter made my blood boil

How your love was my soul’s fertile soil

I couldn’t say out loud …

How cuddling next to you for a show

Meant more to me than you’ll ever know

How lying next to you as you snore

Was a feeling I truly, wholly adore

How seeing you, sleepy-eyed, patter to the kitchen

Was as fun as watching a playful gamboling kitten

I couldn’t say out loud …

How whenever your face would frown

I’d want to make you laugh by acting the clown

How seeing your emerald eyes light when I brought you flowers

Made me pity other men who, without you, must be dour

I couldn’t say out loud …

How the day you said yes to my proposal

Left me speechless.. nonvocal

How when we stood on that altar

My heart bursting, knowing I couldn’t falter

All my every dream came true

How to keep you the very heavens I’d sue

I couldn’t say out loud …

How every subsequent day

Your love made a joy in every way

How to touch you, stroke you, be intimate

Was a feeling beyond human sentiment

I couldn’t’ say … I had not the words

When you became ill

I prayed for a miracle

But still I couldn’t say …

I couldn’t say out loud …

How bleak my tomorrows would be

If you were not there for my eyes to see

I couldn’t say …

Goodbye

I wouldn’t …

Instead, inside I cry

Now I kneel here, flowers in hand

As salty tears fall upon sand

So now must I say …

Out loud. …

How empty my soul feels

How life no longer holds thrills

How ice runs down my spine… Bringing chills

Now I can say out loud. …

You were my everything

Shattered shards of love

Litter floor like broken glass

Lacerated soul

She departed … long ago.

Still, I picture her every night

Her shade what each new one must fight

It’s not right, nor even fair

To be honest, probably not even real

Yet to her scrubbed perfected memory I compare

Each new girl

I don’t blame you for going

Nobody can live up to polished shiny hype

Even though in my recesses I’m knowing

Many I let slip were my true type

She left an indelible mark

No stain remover could touch

Yet to common sense I must hark

Memory must be scrubbed with wire brush

So I dig out that box of pics

Dump it on the table

Still.. truly let her ghost go? Am I able?

My eyes tear faintly

But it’s way past time

To recall she wasn’t truly saintly

Her soul had some grime

Scissors in hand I blindly pick

A memory rectangle from the pile

I feel sick

But I cut all the while

When next I meet someone

I will make a true effort to not compare

I shall try my best to be fair