How Do You Gain Respect Without Coming Across as Overbearing?

You thought you earned the respect of your peers. You thought everyone liked and admired you…Yet, you are dead wrong. Why?

You found out through a trusted friend that people are talking behind your back. You no longer have the respect you so coveted. In fact, the comments are demeaning.

What Are You Doing Wrong?

Is it possible you have an argumentative personality? Dr. Nicola Davies says these types make a fuss about the most trivial things simply to cause conflict.

“The friend, colleague, or relative who will find fault with you or a situation just to engage in seemingly pointless verbal sparring matches.”

They are always right and don’t care about your opinion. Dr. Davies adds that everyone uses a defense mechanism to protect themselves emotionally. Then it goes too far.

Clearly you are driving people away. And the respect you so long for? Your behavior seems to have the opposite effect. People speak behind your back in a derogatory way.

How to Get help

Dr. Davies says it is important to seek counseling so you can explore the meaning behind your constant need to argue:

“It is possible that you lack confidence and a sense of self-worth, and seek it through aggression and arguments; counseling can help you resolve this.”

I think we have all run into these types in the work place, friend groups, and even family. What if you are forced to deal with an argument seeker who basically lusts for attention and is “never wrong.” At least in their eyes anyway.

It’s exhausting dealing with people who are constantly trying to 0ne-up you or make sure you know how wrong you are about basically everything.

Conversations are frustrating and sometimes impossible. In this Reddit Thread users commented that they normally either refuse to engage with the argumentative person or call them out saying, “I don’t want to argue with you.”

If you are one of those people who has to be right all the time and relishes the drama and the attention, stop! Easier said than done, I know. But in order to get the respect you want, you need to actually listen to people and respect their opinions.

If they think you are actually listening, and care about what others have to say, you will ultimately regain their trust and respect.

People will begin to seek out your advice because they realize you will respond with a kind and non-judgemental answer, or maybe even no answer at all.

If you don’t know the answer, say “I don’t know, but I think I know someone who does.”

Try to point them in the right direction. You aren’t shifting the attention away from yourself, you are making yourself more relatable and accessible because you try to help. Even though you might not be the person who has the Solution.

Being respected doesn’t mean acting like a know-it-all. Remember, I know it sounds cliche, but actions do speak louder than words. If your friends/colleagues/family members know they can count on you for your dependability and empathy, it goes a long way in earning their loyalty.

Notice how the people who are revered by everyone aren’t the ones who constantly try to steal the spotlight. In fact, they have the confidence to take a step back sometimes and let someone else lead.

And you know in a pinch, they will be there for you and lend a listening ear. It doesn’t mean you tell people what they want to hear, but you give thoughtful opinions only when asked.

And you never try to take credit for other’s accomplishments. In fact, you cheer them on. And you’ll see. The good ones will do the same for you.