Easter Eggs

Professor Schwartz, the world’s leading paleontologist, stared at the three T-Rex femur bones, each six feet one inch long and identical in every way. He scratched his head while reviewing the measurements for what seemed like the hundredth time. “Simply not possible. What am I missing?” he said to himself.

His son, Billy, a college freshman, played with a plastic human skull. Trying to compare the size of his brain to that of the model.

The professor shook his head as he watched his son and said, “Yes, Neanderthal men had a much larger cranial cavity than you.”

His son put the skull back on the shelf and gave his dad a half-hearted, sarcastic laugh.

The professor had hoped his son would follow him in studying fossils but seemed only interested in playing video games.

Billy pointed at the bones and said, “I think what you have is an Easter egg or maybe a cheat code. I was talking with Professor Williams in philosophy. He said it is possible we are living in a computer simulation.”

Professor Schwartz thought this idea was foolish, but he was happy to see Billy taking an interest in something other than games, and asked his son, “Are you thinking of studying philosophy?”

Billy brushed his brown hair away from his eyes and looked at the three identical bones. “Nah, too much reading. But I would like to program my own world. And if I did, I would fill it with hidden clues. Then, if you solve them, you unlock a program within a program. They call it an Easter egg.”

Professor Schwartz chuckled and said, “You mean my three identical femurs are a puzzle, and if I solve it, I win a prize.”

Billy smiled and said, “Exactly.” He went to grab the bones but saw his dad frown. He put on some white gloves and carefully picked up the end of one of the bones and studied it. “Maybe a dinosaur will materialize. That is what I would do. I would have it attack Tokyo. Just like Godzilla.”

The professor rolled his eyes. “Well, if it is a puzzle. The bones date to 200 million years BC. Obviously not manmade.”

Billy’s eyes lit up. “A puzzle, that’s it. See how the ends can fit together,” Billy placed the end of one femur into the socket of another. There was a clicking noise, and they locked into place. “Woo. Am I good or what?”

“Billy. These are priceless artifacts, not some toy to play with,” said Schwartz. He tried to pull the two pieces apart, but they would not separate. He pushed Billy away from the table as he studied the joint they had made. “This is not possible. They should not fit together, yet the joint is perfect.”

Billy looked over his father’s shoulder. “Pops, we have something here. The third piece fits across the bottom. It will form a triangle.”

“Don’t call me, Pops. It’s disrespectful.”

“Right, Daddy-O.” Billy leaned over his father and tried to pick up the third bone.

The professor pushed his son’s hand away and said, “Father or sir will do nicely.”

Professor Schwartz paced back and forth across the lab while rubbing his chin. “I’ll have to carefully study this new development. Get input from my colleagues. Write a paper on what it could mean, and have it peer-reviewed. Then, call a conference with the world’s top experts to determine how to proceed.”

As Professor Schwartz frantically scribbled notes, Billy grabbed the two connected pieces, throwing them over his shoulders. They formed an A-frame with the joint behind his neck. He struggled over towards the wall and leaned them, so they stood upright. Next, picking up the third femur, he placed it on the floor lengthwise underneath the other two. He connected one edge and heard it click into place. The click caused the professor to lift his head just in time to see Billy connect the other end, forming a triangle six feet on each side, resting upright against the wall.

The triangle crackled with static electricity and discharged a bolt that sent Billy flying back several feet. The professor knocked over his chair and rushed to his son’s side. He carefully turned him over. Billy’s eyebrows were singed, but his son had a broad smile on his face.

“Woo. That hurt a little,” said Billy. He sat up and shook his head. “Oh, Pops… I mean, father. I think I have discovered something.”

“You idiot. You could have been seriously hurt. What would I have told your mother?”

The electric charge left a pale blue background behind the triangle. Ripples prevented a clear view of what was behind it. The professor stared at it, trying to comprehend what he was seeing. He slumped down and sat beside Billy. They both watched it flicker blue for several minutes. It had a calming, almost hypnotic effect.

Professor Schwartz jumped to his feet. “What am I doing? I need to record this, test for radiation, and measure the temperature. While I get my equipment, set up the video camera.”

Billy liked the wavy blue image. It looked like a cool pool of water, inviting him to jump in. “They wouldn’t have created it if they didn’t want us to use it,” said Billy.

“Don’t go near the … the … the portal. It could be dangerous. We have to investigate it in a thorough and deliberate manner. My god, this could mean the Nobel Prize. Billy, do you hear …. Billy, what are you doing? No, stay away!”

It was too late. Billy stepped through the portal and disappeared.

The professor ran at the portal but stopped just short. His instinct was to go after Billy, but his training had taught him to proceed with caution in all matters. He grabbed a stapler and tossed it through the portal. The stapler disappeared, causing no disruption.

He picked up a chair and threw it through; once again, no disruption. He ran at the portal, determined to jump, but stopped once more. He looked for something else to toss into the portal. The only item in reach was his brown bag lunch. He tossed it through, then dropped to his knees and cried out, “Why did you do that? Billy, can you hear me?”

Professor Schwartz knew he had to risk it. He reached out and put his hand into the portal. It had a strange warm feeling. A sensation of euphoria came over him. Taking a deep breath, he stepped through.

On the other side, Billy was sitting in a chair, eating a sandwich. He looked at his father and said, “Some asshole hit me in the head with a stapler.”

The professor grabbed Billy and hugged him. “My boy, are you ok? That was so stupid.”

Billy smiled. “Why create a portal if we are not supposed to use it? And they have a sense of humor,” Billy pointed to a pile of steaming dung that the professor had stepped in when he crossed over. Billy said, “I have to hand it to them, putting a pile of dinosaur do-do right where you make your first step. Nice touch. One small step for man, one giant pile of shit for dinosaurs.”

Professor Schwartz picked up a stick and scraped the dung off his shoes as he said, “Don’t be silly; dinosaurs have been extinct for over sixty million years.”

Billy pointed to three Brontosaurus off in the distance. They were eating the leaves off the top of trees. The professor dropped the stick, and his lower jaw dropped. Several times he tried to say something, but no words came out of his mouth.

“Don’t worry about it, pops. For you old guys, this may be hard to comprehend. But lucky for you, I grew up playing video games. We have just reached a new level.”

“Billy, don’t be disrespectful, it’s father, and life is not a video game.”

Billy said, “It’s either that or Mom put some acid in our lunches.”

“Don’t talk about your mother like that,” said Schwartz. “Do you know what this means?”

Billy finished his sandwich and said, “We are living in a computer simulation. And life has no purpose.”

The professor said, “Of course, life has purpose. It means I can study ancient creatures firsthand. No more trying to derive meaning from a few old bones.”

Billy’s eyes grew wide as he looked over his father’s shoulder. He searched the ground and picked up a long stick. “Father, remember telling me about killer dinosaurs? I think you called them velociraptors.”

The professor said, “You loved those stories. Would not go to sleep until I told you how they would hunt down their prey and rip them apart.”

Billy pointed and motioned for his father to turn around.

“Oh, that’s not a velociraptor. Much too small, most likely a coelophysis. Still quite dangerous, they like to use their claws to rip open their prey’s stomach and ….” The professor’s eyes grew wide, and he took several steps backward. “Billy, I think it’s time to go back through the portal.”

Billy and the professor felt the cliff face behind them for the portal entrance. The coelophysis spotted them and moved in their direction. The professor picked up a handful of pebbles and threw them at the cliff face. Then, seeing where several of the rocks passed through, he grabbed Billy and jumped into the portal.

The Coelophysis, which was charging straight at them, followed them through the portal. All three emerged in Professor Schwartz’s lab. The coelophysis was six feet long, his jaws filled with razor-sharp teeth. The professor raced for his desk, and the coelophysis followed. As the beast snapped at the professor, he fell to the floor and crawled the last couple of feet to his desk.

Billy banged on a metal table, causing a loud thumping sound to echo through the lab. The coelophysis turned his head towards him. But quickly turned back towards the professor, who was trying to unlock his desk drawers.

Reaching into the bottom drawer, Professor Schwartz pulled out a Glock 19. The coelophysis snapped at the professor, just missing his head. Lying on the ground, looking up, Schwartz fired off three rounds directly into the dinosaur’s wide-open mouth. The coelophysis collapsed inches from the professor.

Billy said, “Holy shit. What are you doing with a gun?”

The professor smiled and said, “Protecting myself from school shootings.”

Epilogue

“Boss, simulation 19078, a father-son found the portal. They suspect the truth,” said the technician. “What do you want to do? Send through more dinosaurs?”

The boss shook his head and said, “No. Do a reboot. Start in the year 1939. This time let the Nazis discover the atomic bomb first.”

Story written by Steve Lance

Narration produced using Suno 5.5