How Can Parents Avoid Showing Favoritism to One of Their Children?

How can parents avoid showing favoritism to one of their children? A previous article discussed favoritism and how it appears. And although it is unpleasant and difficult to accept, most parents will feel a greater inclination towards one of their children, they will prefer one (although, as has been said, this does not imply that they do not love all their children )!

Parental favoritism for one of the children is born of various causes: pregnancy planned and desired or not; the sex of the child; the puppy is; the personality and the way of being of the child; traits similar to those of the parent; easy or difficult relationship with the child; his achievements compared to his parent's expectations.

Parents should realize that it is not unusual for a parent to prefer one of the children, to feel an inclination towards one of them - it may be easier to deny, but it is preferable to accept this common fact. Because realizing that you feel inclined towards one of the children can help you eliminate favoritism in treating children (if you deny that you have a favorite, you will treat children unequally without realizing it!). Favoritism should not be manifested in the attitude towards children - the parent who knows that he prefers a child will have to avoid showing it as much as possible to his children!

How can parents avoid showing favoritism to one of their children?

Therefore, it is important to avoid favoritism in treating children as much as possible, so that they do not feel unequal, disadvantaged:

Avoid comparisons between children: by comparing them, all you do is challenge them to enter into fierce competition and make the one who "loses" in comparisons feel disadvantaged, less good than his brother. "Dani's doing such a nice job, why can't you do as he does?" the loser will feel resentment towards both his parents and his brother or sister.

Avoid encouraging one while criticizing the other. It's also a kind of comparison: "Dani, how did he manage to finish his work and you didn't even do it?" Also, the parent who prefers one of the children and sees him as a "good child" can encourage, appreciate and support him more than the others, even without realizing it.

Avoid encouraging competitions, even joking ones, if you know you have a favorite! Because in this way children will eventually feel favoritism. So, even jokingly, it doesn't provoke them in competitions ("the first to finish gets a double dessert", "the one who gets 10 gets a surprise", etc.).

Avoid acting as a judge in their quarrels. Children can come to one of the parents and ask them to judge their dispute and decide who is right or wrong.

After all, reconciling and resolving the dispute is the most important thing, not "who started it."

Avoid punishing only one for a mistake they both made. Did they compete in the house and break something?

When they both do something wrong, they both have to suffer the same consequences (the parent who has a favorite will tend to punish him more gently because he is usually a "good kid"). In the family, there must be the same rules and the same consequences for all children!

Avoid making value judgments like "you should know better, you're older", "I expected you to know better", "it's your fault, you know your brother is after you", " You have to be a good role model for your brother. "

And most importantly, try to treat them the same when it comes to time spent together and the privileges granted (words of praise, gifts, activities they are allowed to do, etc.). Yes, when one of the children is younger, he will ask for more time and attention from you: explain this to the older child, without letting him feel neglected.

Do activities with all the children together or with each of them (you can spend more time with one of them because you have common interests and activities, but don't let the other person feel ignored).

Remember that favoritism does not mean that you do not love all your children! It just means that because of the easier and better relationship with one of them, because of the positive traits of one of them, and because of his achievements, you will feel a closer connection with him, an inclination towards that child.

But if you remember that both children deserve to be treated the same, you can prevent this preference from affecting them.