Grandma Doesn’t Want to Spend Every Single Holiday at Her Daughter’s House!

In this Reddit post, a grandma who adores her daughter and grandchildren is forced to spend every holiday at her daughter and son-in-law’s house. Because the SIL doesn’t want to shuttle between homes.

He is an only child and very close to his parents. Yet the OP is also close to her other children and their families. She resents not being able to host special family dinners herself, and before her daughter married this new man, they used to rotate hosting duties.

Redditors have mixed feelings about how to handle the situation. One poster said, “So get together with your daughter and grandchildren in other ways and times. Life goes on and we all change. If you're the open minded, flexible one, you stand better chances of meaningful adult relationships with them.”

I agree. People get locked into this illusion that everything has too happen on a certain day, and that day is magical. I get it. Christmas is magical when you are around little kids. But you can also make New Years Day just as special.

Another commenter suggested OP invite Son-in-law’s parents over to her house along with the other children and grandchildren.

I get it that hosting then becomes a big ordeal with lots of people. But you don’t need to do it all the time.

I remember when my son was little and my dad was still alive. My in-laws would invite him to every holiday dinner. I too am an only child, so siblings weren’t an issue.

Shouldn’t Daughter Consider Her Mother’s Feelings?

The OP is hurt because daughter just announced this new arrangement without even consulting her. I understand that too. It’s as if daughter’s new husband is more important than Mom.

Psychologist, Dr. Gloria Lee says sometimes husbands feel too responsible for their mothers, and as a newlywed, the OP’s daughter might believe that she has to give in to his demands.

Have a Heart-To-Heart Talk with Daughter

I would let her know that while you enjoy spending time at her house and with your son-in-law’s parents, you simply can’t do this every single holiday. Remind your daughter that you do have other children and grandchildren who you would like to spend time with.

Remember, you need to establish clear boundaries with all your children. You shouldn’t dread holidays. If this continues, you will begin resenting your daughter because she is keeping you away from the rest of your family.

Mothers Need to Learn to Let Go of Adult Children

This article makes it clear that whatever choices your daughter makes, they are her choices and if she wants to spend every major holiday with her husband and his parents, it is up to her and there is really nothing you can do about it.

But I would avoid in any way guilting your adult child. Say you choose to alternate holidays, only spending Easter at their house, and Christmas and Thanksgiving with the rest of your kids…She may feel a little left out and talk to husband about a different arrangement.

Until then, all you can do is get along, because you want the best possible relationship with your grandchildren. And you don’t ever want to feel you have to compete with SIL’s parents.

I know it sounds cliche, but taking the high road and letting the dust settle will make this whole situation much clearer. In the big picture, how you spend a few days a year shouldn’t ruin the relationship you have with your children and grandchildren. When your grandkids become adults, they will look at your behavior as an example.